Damn, this summer has been challenging AF, am I right?
I know you're feeling it too. About a month ago, I created this new website and rebranded the business as "Eliza Expressed" thinking I'd be moving from healing work and focusing on others into more of an artist role, yet I'm gonna be honest, once I made that announcement and put it all out there I completely lost steam and didn't have any energy to paint.
Apparently as a Manifesting Generator (human design, anyone??) without having anyone to take on the "Role Model Archetype" for I have no energy to go into my full hermit artist mode.
What I'm trying to say is that I know now my purpose here on earth is not just my own healing and work but to bring that to you. Without you all the shit I've gone through, all the deaths and dark nights of the soul are worthless unless I can use those experiences to grow. And my growth is our growth. I have learned a shit ton of painful lessons that have given me the "will to live" juice that creates magic. That magic wants to be shared.
Nothing gives me greater satisfaction than to share my tools, create sacred space, feel deeply into the moment with you, shed light through tarot and energy readings and dive deep into this healing work. Without you it's just plain boring. And while this lifetime I know I am here to ultimately still play the hermit role, the hermit needs her community to bring the light back to.
That's pretty heady... let's see if I can paint a clearer picture for you. Last time I wrote you I was all pumped up and enjoying painting so much, but it's also when we had guests at our house for the week and I would come upstairs in the evenings and channel all the abundance of energy of others into my own sacred beautiful inner work.
When the guests left and I had less steady clients coming and going from the house I also felt a sense of depletion, confusion, loneliness, and depression. Why couldn't I get myself to paint more? Why couldn't I just sit the fuck down and write a blog post? Was I lazy? Was I depressed?
I was out of alignment.
It was time for more ego death.
I've heard people say, "I feel so humbled" as they grow and take up more space. To my mind this never made sense - I thought humbling meant that you wouldn't be knocked down, dying, letting go... not getting bigger. Here's the thing, as the ego dies we ARE knocked down, the part of us that made it "about us" and as we step up to serve we see our inherent interconnectedness with all of life and BOW DOWN to the greater forces as work calling us to step up into our truth. It is the most strange feeling to be crowned by life as we take on the responsibility that comes with our power.
It IS humbling to grow bigger.
During this time I "randomly" came across an herbalist's friend's post about her newly created Ghost Pipe tincture for liminal spaces, endings and ego death. I instinctively bought one, put it on my altar, and started taking a couple drops each morning. One day as I'm walking my dog, I stop in a field of wild flowers, feeling lightheaded and sat down on the ground. I looked up and I felt the flower Queen Anne's Lace staring back at me. She told me to take her and simultaneously claim my own crown as a Queen of the Earth. I felt like I was going to throw up... Who the fuck am I to be a queen? WHAT? Is this even real? But I felt it in my bones that it was. I dropped to my knees in gratitude and humility, promising to be a queen of the earth for the plant being/for the elementals - to be a mouthpiece and voice for the energies that are asking me to SPEAK FOR THEM. I took her stem in my hand and with gratitude quickly snapped her from her place and carried her with me, gathering more wild flowers who continued speaking with me the whole rest of the our walk.
When I got home I felt grounded, present, gifted, honored, and humbled.
For whatever reasons I have been holding back, I'm done. I had this whole story that I was stuck and depressed and couldn't do anything to help anyone and that I'd never figure out my purpose... I'm over it.
Last week as I felt called to purge even more stuff from our house I pulled our years and years of journals (25 or more, maybe?) ripped them up and spent two and half hours one evening burning away all the old stories I had told myself. I'd held onto these journals thinking I'd want to look back as an old woman and read about my childhood but so much of it was weighing on me, so many cathartic brain dumps I was carrying around with me still addicted to my stories of my addictions to men, unhealthy patterns, not being enough, not following through, and hating myself.
It felt DAMN GOOD TO BURN IT ALL AWAY.
My Aries fiery self loves a fresh start... and fire.
So, yeah, I'm still here and I can't wait to do some tarot reading/energy work/massage/embodiment badassery with you. Schedule a session with me and let this Aries sister get your fire ignited too.
I'm currently offering:
- 60 minute online sessions (intuitive tarot and coaching) $88
- 90 minute in-person sessions at my home healing space in Marietta, NY (tarot, reiki, massage and whatever else is needed for your tune-up.) $111
- Channeled custom healing paintings Only $50 for a 14"x14" painting with intuitively chosen colors/shapes/imagery and a mini poem JUST FOR YOU! (+ shipping or free pick up from Marietta)
You can book right on this site, just go to my offerings page.