Feel the fear and do it anyways

Leaving Buffalo was hard.  Like heartbreakingly hard.  I tried to come up with excuses not to leave right away... It was Super Bowl Sunday, I got invited to three parties, I'm not in a huge rush, I don't NEED to leave right now, my trip is flexible... but I realized that I was just putting off leaving due to anxiety and nervousness about this big leap that I am taking.  

I'm not 100% sure where I will end, up, I just know that something is calling me to the west.  I have been wanting to do this for so long.   I will be taking lots of courses and learning and meeting new people and the newness is very exciting.  The challenge is always the process of letting go of something we're holding onto so that we can make room for the new to come in.

Over the last couple of months I've really been treasuring my time, home, and friends in Buffalo.  Over the last couple of years I've dealt with serious bouts of depression and anxiety.  And I was dreading winter, as always.  I didn't expect to fall in love again.  But this time I fell in love with my city and all of my friends.  I wanted to hug the whole place so hard.  I didn't expect to have gotten so attached.  I used to travel all the time, and it's always a little nerve-wracking before I go, but then once I'm packed and on my way it feels good.  

This time there were tears shedding as I moved away from my beloved home and my beloved friends, and I was so grateful to have my sister, Sarah, with me for the first couple of days as she was needing a mini adventure, too. She played all the right songs to sooth my soul and begin the journey.  I'll post some of the songs at the bottom of my blog in case you're looking to do some "releasing" of your own and need the playlist ;)

I'm interested in numerology - and I noticed while I was a couple miles into driving that the odometer flipped over to 76,000... and I thought I wonder what the significance of 76 is, so I looked it up - if you're interested in numerology this is a cool site, you can check out the insightful tip I got here. 

It's great having no "set" plans, I am couchsurfing and the whole trip is pretty flexible, time-wise, and so a couple days before I left she decided to join me and we made our way down to Nashville. This town in cool. Unexpected down to earth, friendly, and yet very hip.  Last night we went out with my Couchsurfing host and his friend, tried out some local beers at the Hop Stop and then went dancing for HOURS at Motown Mondays at the Five Spot.  It was really surprising to find a place where 150 young hipster types were dancing their HEARTS out to Stevie Wonder, Tina Turner, Aretha Franklin, Marvin Gaye, Hall & Oates... haha it was delightful.  (But it was gross that they still let people smoke in bars here, ew)

I was packing and preparing for my trip out west, I found a couple things that reminded me how much I've been wanting this time on the west coast and I synchronistically found them at the perfect time that I needed to be reminded of that.  Last year I hosted a month long spring cleanse group for women.  It was an incredible group who went through similar decluttering, space clearing, and healing process as the Resolve to Evolve program that I am doing now, except we met up in person once a week rather than online.  

One week we talked about envisioning our futures and I made a vision board, which sounds a little "out there" if you've never done one, but I can show you here that not only are they fun to make, and good to help you clarify what you want, but mine is incredibly accurate as to what I'm moving toward this year... 

At the time that I made this, I knew that I wanted to spend time on a farm, be in California, learn more about food, trust more in myself, and now literally all of those things are happening... The cacti also speaks to my time I'll be spending in Arizona... here I go toward the vision of my dreams, and I know it's the right thing.  

Sometimes it's damn scary though, and it can feel overwhelming.  I hope that this blog inspires you to take some time to create a vision board of your own, and do some releasing so you, too, can get closer to the life that you want to live.  There are two quotes that I keep thinking of that have been inspiring me and I hope that can help you:

Lots of love and blessings to you on YOUR journey, everyday. <3

Here's a snippet of Sarah's emotional release road trip playlist so far:

"Hey Brother" - Avicii

"Little Talks" - Of Monsters and Men

"Touch the Sky" & "Into the Open Air"- Julie Fowlis

"Oasis" - Grace Potter

"Play the Game" - Queen

"Extraordinary Machine" - Fiona Apple

"When I get where I'm going" - Brad Paisley & Dolly Parton

& a whole lot of old school Billy Joel... Cold Spring Harbor mostly.  We used to listen to that album together back in high school and it brought back some really good vibes. 

Enjoy! <3

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